I cried in church today. More than once.

Tragedy is hard.

I mentally picture me, and my children, and husband, and parents, and family, and friends in that tragedy. My heart hurts.

And I feel scared.

The world in the last 5 years has felt like too much.

I do all the things they suggest. I look for the helpers and the heros. I look for ways to help. I focus on the present with my people. I pray.

And then another tragedy happens.

I stopped watching the news about 2 years ago. My anxiety was through the roof. I felt like crying all the time. I just couldn’t anymore. They seem to focus on the horrific. Everyone is angry and yelling. Everyone seems so intent that their way is the only right way and that EVERYONE should do what they think.

Life doesn’t work that way. There is very seldom ONE RIGHT WAY.

We want our children to be kind and inclusive and helpful. We want them to share and find compromises. And then you turn on any political debate or anything to do with a politician and they are THE EXACT OPPOSITE. It is hard to expect those things from your children when they look at the adults around them and see the exact opposite.

It isn’t just politicians. All kinds of adults think that leaving nasty comments or yelling on Facebook is okay. I always wonder if they would say the words out loud that they write. My money is that 95% wouldn’t.

I did some online thing tonight where it sends an email to your representative to work on gun control. Many of the men in my family own guns. More than one in fact. Some hunt. I don’t think it is wrong for people to own a gun. But not one of my family members owns gun accessories or guns that allow them to shoot many rounds of bullets quickly.

I have had someone argue to me that hunters need those things. Really? You need to shoot 50 bullets into your wild boar or deer really quick? I have never been hunting but I don’t think you need that. Seems to me that you would spend alot of time digging out that many bullets.

I have had family argue to me that no matter what bad guys will still get guns. Probably. People intent on doing wrong will always find a way.

But it doesn’t seem to me like all these recent shooters are necessarily “known bad guys” with lots of felonies. So maybe, maybe we make it illegal to own certain things. Things like being able to shoot tons of bullets really really fast. You cannot convince me that people need that.

I am not against guns. But I also think something in the system is broken because bad things keep happening. Gun laws won’t prevent all bad things from happening. But shouldn’t we try something? Doing nothing isn’t helping. Sitting here and watching it happen over and over and over….isn’t helping.

Compromise means that both sides have to give up something.

Can we try? Something? Anything?

You don’t have to agree with me. I am okay with that. I don’t agree with some of my family and yet…we are still family. I still love and respect them. Hell, I work with them and value their thoughts and opinions. Just because we don’t fully agree doesn’t change who they are to me.

I don’t really think my email will make much difference. But I had to do something. I had to say something. I need to say that what we are doing isn’t working and we can’t keep doing the same thing over and over and expect something to change.

Of course, most people will just yell from their side of the invisible line. It seems like that is all anyone wants to do anymore.

I don’t feel like yelling.