Acceptance

Today was a not so great school day.

One was angry that we didn’t pick his subject first.

One cried because he made a mistake in the grammar assignment.

And one adult may have yelled, threatened enrollment in school to one and sent the other to his room.

And by “may” I mean I did those things.

As they went off to do their independent reading time and I made lunch I texted Carole. It was a bad day and what we are doing isn’t working.

And then I said, “Half of it is probably my fault.”

Maybe even most of it is.

I am not doing what I need to be doing and then I am expecting them to pick up the slack by working quickly and efficiently without complaint. That isn’t their fault. They are 10 and we are learning new things and the workload is much more intense this year. It isn’t fair for me to be slacking and then expect them to make up for my failures.

Ugh.

That is some harsh reality.

I felt pretty sick about it. Then I felt like crying. Then I just felt down and angry and plain stuck.

I need to make some changes. I need to lead by example.

The truth is I have some pretty great kids who are quick to jump in and do their part. They help with chores without complaint 98% of the time. I am asking them to do what I am not even willing to do.

So this is me accepting the blame. This is me saying that tomorrow is a new day. I can put this behind me and we can try again. This time with a bit more grace on my part. And a whole bunch more of me doing what I need to be doing to make our days successful.